What's currently in my mind ?

Friday, May 11, 2018 5:50 AM ?


Assalamualaikum guys, so today i'll be sharing about what is currently in my mind. There are 2 things;

First of all, it was about a person who will contact you only when they need something. I was thinking it is such an inappropriate things to do for a friend. But if we thought briefly, if they didn't contact you about certain things then what are they gonna talk about? Casual talk? Maybe they will feel awkward or something. But however, iffffff after we talked about the certain things, and I continue with a casual talk, why would they reply late and short??? I mean, we were barely even talked, but in this time when we are in contact, why not having a small talk? I mean, unless you are freaking reallllllllllyyyyy busy though. sigh, but whatever. Why would I care anyway.

Secondly, about myself who only wants to hear people praising me. I thought about it recently, cause when people criticize me, I would feel at low and I think I am not good enough for everything. What a kid's mind, right? yea I know. So I remembered about someone who always thought me to always strive to gain success, he usually will take all of critics to gain his spirit for success. I thought we are different, I couldn't do like that. I couldn't take critics as to spirit. I couldn't do like him, who always strive for his best. So I think for a moment. Why would I couldn't do that? and I couldn't list why's maybe because I don't trust myself. *take a deep breath* I should trust myself and throw away my bad habits. I usually will shot back on what people will say about my wrongdoings to them especially my mom that what I do is right and she didn't understand it. Soooooooooooooooooooo, success is not only when people praise you ye tasha. <3

That's all. Have a nice day.

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A normal day.

Thursday, April 19, 2018 10:24 PM ?


So today I got an off day. No class, no going back home, just staying in my hostel room. Not gonna call it only room, cause yeah I have to share it with my other roommates. How I wish sometimes I could be all silent and quiet and all alone playing with my own emotions and cry my heart out. And now, I just could cry silently with my runny nose while facing my laptop scrolling tumblr and stuffs. It was all okay till I am impatiently said rude words to a good friend of mine. I was all annoyed because she ask so many simple questions and I didn't know she was so nervous and had a panic attack. But to be honest, it was not all my fault. She was unready before the meeting anyway, wouldn't be annoyed if she asking when she was to be ready for the meeting, not last minute get ready thing. Now I have to sit silently , but not really that silent because I still kept talking with my other roommates, she was the one who kept silent with a small laugh whatever running in her head. Sometimes I feel girls are hard to deal with. They just cannot be advice able ? People always said that talk to me, tell me truth even it's gonna hurt my feelings. But people wouldn't even accept it. Or maybe my words were too harsh till hurt her soul. idk man, im sorry. thats what i just could say. I hurt people a lot with my words. I just couldn't put it in a nice words, Im too short of patient of thinking it. Im sorry.

But the other person hurt me too ...

Kept me to shut my mouth when I was getting too excited and hype. It's hurt isn't ? When you were all axcited and hype and people just asked you to shut up ? It's hurt, how people kept saying thats how they are when they are all being so negative. I am trying so hard to be a positive person. I was a positive person till things were messed up. People make me changed my mind. or I just dont have my own pendirian. I kept accusing everyone in my life that it's their fault in this and that, I just kept accusing. why though. what is wrong with me???? But still though, somehow it's their fault in some reason.

I am all too emotions maybe because I played kiss the rain by yiruma all over again, hahaha. But what ever. I still have good friends, no doubt. I still have my mom who always support me everytime I fall. I love her so much, I couldn't imagine my life without her. I love you mom, my supermom <3

That's all for today. Not really good in words but I hope my future me understand it all. hahaha. Wish me luck in the future. I LOVE MYSELF. SO MUCH.

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